[San Juan, Metro Manila, PI -- Blitz Kreig Internet Cafe]
My turn...

Hi everyone! Couldn't help but see what's up with all of you. Blog withdrawal I guess. hehehe. Anyway, I have to keep this short because I'm on a time limit. Let's see...

I've lived in Edmonton my whole life, so my initial response to the question would be "Yes, I would like to pick up and go." But of course, it isn't quite that easy. The big thing is the financial situation. After quitting my job, I was considering on moving to Vancouver, but no job had been established. So I'm left with travelling in the meantime to see what's out there. Ever since I went to Chicago & New York 4 years ago, I've had this travel bug in me. I'm always wanting to go to new places to explore. I still have yet to do a solo trip, which I think would be quite therapeutic for me. So many places to see, just not sure how to visit them all. Hey Bern are we still going to Europe? ;-) As for the road trip across the U.S., count me in for that. hehe.

Although I could probably expand more on the subject, I can't. Time to go. Talk to you later. :-)

time to migrate...
question: "Do you feel like you can pick up and move if you wanted to? If not, do you travel a lot to see "what is out there" (if that is what you are interested in)..."


i've been living in vancouver, bc canada for most of my life... was born in toronto, ontario... moved all over the area when until i was about 3 yrs old and then headed west to bc with a 2 year stop over in flin flon, manitoba... i love living in vancouver : the fresh air, the mountain view from the downtown area and anywhere else you may be on the lower mainland... easy access to places to rollerblade, hike, mountain bike, rock climb, ski, snowboard, windsurf, wake board, skimming, beach bumming, etc... (not that i do all of that stuff)... it just a great place to live... but again, i've lived here most of my life and would like to experience the rest of the world. right now it would be difficult to move as my daughter is currently living here in vancouver and putting miles between us would be difficult. i know it does happen in many families so the want to move is strongly there however not financially possible. i know that before i had graduated from bcit this past september, my plan was to move to toronto first, live there for a bit, then migrating further east to new york. since my accident, it's been quite difficult to make that goal a reality because of my financial situation. moving, i know, would be difficult, leaving friends and family, but what i have learned in the past year is not to hold back... to not be afraid... and that is exactly what i plan on doing.

home is where the heart is
Cheesy, but true.

I have lived my whole life in the Bay Area. Sure, going on vacation is fun, and sometimes when I'm coming back from a vacation, I get a little depressed thinking that I have to go back to my normal routine (I get over it the next day, though). But when it all comes down to it, I don't think I would ever live anywhere else. Part of it is the location. Where else can you drive about 5 hours in any direction, and end up in a a warm climate, or a really cold one? (Okay, maybe there's a lot of places like that). But it's not too cold, not too hot. There's no snow or ice or hurricanes or tornadoes. Just an occassional earthquake.

However, the biggest thing for me is that all my family and friends are in the Bay Area. It's the greatest thing to be surrounded by them. So, if you were to transport me and all my family and friends somewhere else, then, it would probably be okay. As long as there aren't any bugs. And I could drink the water.

I wouldn't mind the Philippines, though. But, again, the bugs. And water.

i finally have time to actually read this question and answer it! sorry, gary, if this wasnt fulfilling your blog withdrawal. ;)

"Do you feel like you can pick up and move if you wanted to? If not, do you travel a lot to see "what is out there" (if that is what you are interested in)..."

hm. yes, i could probably pick up and move if i wanted to. but for right now, i dont see the need. i've lived in the bay area all my life and i like the fact that i grew up here and feel like this is my "home". well, cuz it is ;). i'd totally miss it, but part of me always wonders what it's like to live in a different city. i'm not sure if i could live anywhere internationally for a time, but anywhere in the US or even Canada would be a cool experience. one of the only reasons why i would probably move would be if a job offer was promising enough and paid me enough to make that change. after all, most of my family and friends are here, and i think i'd just miss everyone and everything that i'm invovled with (likha, hockey -- hm, there's a bladium in denver, co.... move there? nah. visit? YES!)

funny thing about me and how i am is that even though i'd like to try different things and wouldnt mind a new adventure, i kind of thrive on continuity and routine. maybe it is that fear of "change". but if required to, i could move, namely because i dont have too much responsibility keeping me here (no house mortgage, kids, etc...) except for maybe my car and those darn car payments (but i suppose that would go with me wherever i go...hehehe).... and then there's family and friends....

Traveling, though is ALWAYS something i want to do... cuz you can always go back HOME after the trip. i'm just really bummed i dont get enough vacation to spend some time in those places i'd like to visit. cool thing about my job is i get to travel every once in a while (not as much as you, gary) but enough to satisfy the need for change in routine. (hmm. not sure about nowadays, though, since there's all this CHANGE at work..). places i'd like to visit someday: australia, new zealand, the uk, spain, france, italy, germany, china, japan, korea, mexico.... oh, dont forget edmonton (hehe ;)). places i've been to and would like to visit again: vancouver, bc ;), new york, chicago, miami, las vegas, la, seattle, portland, any island in hawaii, and of course, the homeland -- the philippines...

at one point in my life, i think it would be cool to drive across the US and visit each state. hm. i wonder if i could pull that off. road trip anyone? ;)

Moving...
I'm going to start a new topic since I am going through blog withdrawal. I think the funny thing is that I am at the Dojo because they have DSL here.

Since my dad was in the Air-Force, my life has consisted of moving. I was born in Subic Bay, then went off to Tampa, Florida, Berlin, Germany -where my sister was born, Riverside, California, Sembach, Germany, then to Myrtle Beach, SC -where I went to High-School and college.

Moving on my own
My second job moved me to Naples, Florida (at 21), then I went to Alexandria, Virginia for Onesoft.com (at 22), then to San Francisco, California (at 23) when Hooked on Phonics moved me here. I ultimately wanted to be on the west coast, but I had to go through all the moves in my career to get here. Now, I just despise moving. But I am glad that in each move, I have experienced and met new people. But for those who hasn't moved that much, do you ever feel that you get so absorbed in your immediate surroundings? For example, my life started to just revolve around "The Marina" district of San Francisco.

Now I am in Daly City, with all new things to explore... But since I don't have a car... I'm a bit limited to what this 'lil Manila has to offer... My theory is that since I have moved so much, I don't have many fears of "change". I don't mind picking up and just moving and totally changing my routine. Maybe I should elaborate on my reasons of moving, but the question is, "Do you feel like you can pick up and move if you wanted to?" If not, do you travel a lot to see "what is out there" (if that is what you are interested in)...

what pick-up lines?
I wasn't planning to post much regarding this topic because only a handful of people have picked me up before. Hmm. Not much experience in that department. Kind of ashamed of it, i guess. At Bern's urging, however, i figured i could at least say something.

I think the best thing that a guy ever did to hit on me wasn't so much that he had actual pick up lines, but that his delivery was really smooth. He was just so suave and sincere. I would try quoting him, but it wouldn't do any of his words any justice on a computer screen.

So really, it's not about the pick up lines, it's about the sincerity and the delivery.

.. waiting for joan diesel... guuuurl, where ya at?!

hm, now that i think of it, i didnt really answer my own question too...

Not so smooth
Haha, forgot about that! But I still don't consider it a "pick-up" ;-)

My camera is in the shop for two weeks :-( So I guess I won't be "picking" anyone "up!" (maybe I need to cut down on the flirting?) - Nahhh! I'll stop the flirting when I meet the right girl (when i'm "ready") haha!

Girl pick-up techniques
Well, most guys are "easy" I mean, it is really up to the girl to choose the guy. But it isn't the pick-up that is important... Usually if the girl is successful at getting the guy to "hang out" with them. They try conspicuous things to try to "hook" them...

First, they show you their favorite place (most likely near water -like a river, lake, or ocean) - this sets "the tone" And they talk about their dreams and passions, blah blah. Meanwhile, they are very close to you and comment on how awesome the evening is... Sometimes it is cool when girls set up the situation... Sometimes not...

Girls and their "dream" locations... But then again, there is nothing like romance when you are in "the mood" -otherwise, it is pretty cheezy.

Ok, next topic...

smooth moves
I have seen Gary's pickup 'method' before. It was particularly used a lot in the Philippines. It is as follows:

Gary: Let me take a picture of you with my digital camera.

Girl: Ok.*smiles*

Gary: Here, do you want to see the picture? *Shows pic on digital camera*

Girl: cool!

Gary: Let me email it to you. What is your email address?

And *ch-ching*!! There it is! :) Seriously though, I don't think I've gotten any weird pickup lines. A couple of weeks ago I got "Ang ganda mo!" yelled to me from a couple of older, fobby, filipino guys while I was shopping at an outdoor mall. Other than that, the usual, 'can I call you?" type of things. None of which are big with me because I don't like giving random people my number.

it has been such a long time since i've been in a scene where a guy would feed me some sort of pick up line... i used to get the norms :

you come here often?

can i buy you a drink?

you wanna dance?

can i call you sometime?

i don't remember getting any outrages ones, but some funny comments... well, i guess funny because they just sound so lame, ok, maybe they can be categorized as a pick up line :

damn girl, you look so fine... mmm mmm mmm...

hey girl, why don't you shake your moves over here...

yeah, ok wanna be homey.... hehe...

what i want to see are no pick up lines, but i don't think that's possible when a guy you absolutely don't know comes up to you to talk. i mean a pick up line is a way of starting a conversation sometimes, just can't be avoided. but it can be good way to break the ice if both parties are good humoured about it. just like what meesh says, a good, honest conversation with a guy would be nice.

hmmm... me? picking up guys... well, ok, i admit that i do flirt sometimes, depending on how i feel. i don't think i have any certain lines. if i want to talk to a guy at a club, i would just go up to him and ask him how's he doing, if he's having fun... if the conversation starts to continue on its own, great... if not, well then, either i'd ask the guy to dance or forget about it. but picking up guys just isn't my thing, so that scenerio hardly ever happens. i spend most of my time at a club just having fun, having a few drinks and dancing all night with my friends.

i have to comment though... when here in canada, or should i say vancouver, the "picking up" scene seems to be a little more subtle. what i've experienced, guys shyly approach you. ask to buy a drink, to go dance... whereas, my experience with that states it's just down right scary at times. i've been grabbed at the arm, at the waist, or at the hand while walking through a club and having the guy say to me "hey baby, saw you walkin'. why don't you hang by me for a while?"... oh yeah, that'll really get me to stay, wow, what charm (ok, sarcasm). if i were to experience that at a club here in canada, it's usually because the guy is visiting from the states. what is up with that? oooh, that could be another topic... but we'll leave that for some other time ;)

[OK, this will really be my last post in a blog for a long time. ;-)]

The worst (well, if not the worst, a REALLY bad one) pick-up line I got actually happened about a week and a half ago. I was out with Irma and a couple people from work.

Me: (standing at the bar, waiting for my drink)

Guy: (tapping my shoulder) You probably get this a lot, but are you on A-Channel? [local news station in Edmonton]

Me: Huh? Actually no, that's the first I've heard of that one.

Guy: You look like that reporter on A-Channel.

[Sidenote: the reporter is Chinese, has long hair, and doesn't wear glasses. Uh yeah, i can really see the resemblance? =P]

Me: Sorry, but that's not me.

Guy: (shaking his head, like I'm lying or something) Are you on TV at all? I could've sworn I've seen you before...

Me: (although somewhat flattering i'm thinking, give it up already) No.

Guy shrugs his shoulders and walks off. Then about 10 minutes later is hitting on one of my co-workers who is all over him? [Guess he must've used a good line on her. ;-)]

As for the best scenario, I agree with Gary about having a good conversation with the person. I've had a few good encounters, but I can't really remember what happened (it's been a while since I've had a good conversation with a complete stranger -- not that I talk to all strangers).

As for using lines on guys, I don't use them. If I do say anything that's close to a line, it's more of a witty comment I make during the course of the conversation and I usually don't remember them afterwards.

On what to see/what not to see? I would like to see more "nice" guys to have good conversations with. Not just "What do you do?" or "What do you do in your spare time?" or better yet "Where are you from?" I realize that these are the initial questions that guys ask, but sometimes it just ends there and you're left thinking "WTF?" I definitely don't want to see older guys giving you the once over like they've never seen a girl before? And they're usually slimy looking too (why is that?). Yuck! I'm not saying that these guys have hit on me, but just their presence freaks me out. Speaking of which reminds me of this one time I was out with Irma [I'm seeing a pattern here. hehe. Just kidding ;-)], and this old Asian guy was looking at me. I didn't think too much of it at first, but I noticed that he kept following me around the club. He wasn't right in my face or anything, but he was always about 3 feet away from me. If I happened to move to another area, he'd be right there. Ugh! What's with these old guys?

so what were the girls lines that were used on you?

...oh, and i'm not looking for a "line" specifically.... more like a funny/interesting situation ... kinda like mine back in august...

Look at her until she stares back...call her over using only one finger (logically, use the one next to your thumb!)... IF she comes over....say "I made you come here with just one finger, imagine what I can do with two".

Personally I never used one in real life... I guess what works the best is just have a good conversation with a girl. Start with a hello, or a hi to see if they are approachable. Then start a converstion. But never have I ever just come up to a girl and start dancing up all on them...

Most of the time I meet girls through mutual friends. But if there was any one line that was successful most of the time, it was just asking for what you want - no need for a cheezy line. For example, establishing a mode of communication - Phone number, or email address... I would think twice about a girl that would be "that easy" to "pick up" with just a line...

Girls on the other hand have some funny ass pick-up techniques! Maybe if I have the time, I exlain a few... Let's just say some girls are all about the "right setting" or "environment"... Like they took time to actually "plan" the encounter...

okay i have one.... maybe not so deep this time, a little more on the fun side..

what is the best/worst pick-up line/scenario you've had...? what worked? what didnt?... what would you gals like to see/ not see?

... and gary, i'd like to hear any stories of the approaches you've tried that failed/ that were successful....

hehe...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOAN DIESEL!!!!

wow, can i comment on gary's comments before we move on?... [you kinda deviated from leah's questions...i dont remember ever reading a question on being "ready"]..

"I think right now, I may have too much baggage for a girl to handle. I mean, I travel way too much, and I believe women need "time" more than anything else."
whoa, you call traveling "baggage"??... you must not have met some of the guys i've dated!!! (kid[s], ex-girl, ex-wife, baby's momma....) ... if anything, traveling is the least of any girl's concerns regarding "baggage" .. the fact that you HAVE a job is a good thing... and the traveling much might be something to work on for any relationship, but let me just tell you, you really dont have baggage....

i agree with leah on the communication and security issue, and you are right, time with the person is also required as well, but i think in order for people to have a successful relationship, there should be time for yourself too.. when you're a couple, i dont believe you have to be connected at the hip and ALWAYS have to be with each other... the time apart to be you is beneficial too. you should be able to identify yourself as your "self" not just as half of an entity that is a couple. i personally would not want my life to be solely dependent on my significant other. i'd like my "other half" to enhance my life as it is now... i like doing the things that i do (likha, hockey, friends, etc), and i'd want my s'nother (significant other) to share it and me to share in his.... although i'm finding that lately guys may think i'm a tad too busy for them to fit in my busy bee schedule... but then that's a whole other issue, i digress....

trust should be there as well. that's the foundation for any relationship. but a LOT has to do with timing too... i've noticed that some relationships just dont seem to work out when the timing is off.... i think both have to be somewhat at the same place in life, want the same things, and are comfortable with each other and whatever "baggage", big or small [personally, small hand-carries are not too bad to deal with.. it's the ones with those HUGE balikbayan box baggage that tend to scare me off!!!], they carry with them....

"Feelings are weird."
you got that right. cant seem to say that they make sense either....

"I think us guys have a better grip on "controlling" our feelings."
was there some sort of class in school that you guys took that no one ever told us gals about????

"Forget the "let's be friends" right after a break up (that isn't going to benefical to you)."
there's some truth in that. everyone needs some time to heal and move on. after that, it's okay to be friends. i've been fortunate enough to be friends with my ex-es. granted after the initial break-up, it was hard. but in the end, everything is all good in the hood....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANIE!!!!! :)

ok, ok, my turn!
I am breaking the tradition to answer the below topic, excuse the tardiness :) but it's been kinda crazy! If it helps, I didn't even have time to write in my own blog for the past few days.

I think love just...happens. I've seen it just happen. Unfortunately in my case, it didn't just happen. Any amount of controlling and/or meddling and the natural occurrence is ruined.I think that if you have to try hard to make something happen then it wasn't right to begin with. I believe that if two people are meant to be, then circumstances will just make it so.

Re: Gary's comments about tickling and poking, I think there's another side to it. If someone keeps poking you, yes, you might laugh. But the other side of it is that you can just get ANNOYED. :P I have seen that happen too.

I think you can control your feelings for another as well...because I think I have done it. Basically, I think of things about a person that I don't like. Maybe that is wrong but it helps.

I had an ex who said always said he loved me but wanted to do 'certain things' that I wasn't ready for...he said that it was just the way he showed love. In the end we broke up and I'm pretty sure that one of the reasons was because he couldn't control his 'love.'

Anyways, that's all I'm going to say.

Gee, am I supposed to come up with a topic now?

ok my turn
i guess it's the tradition for the person who posts the topic to be the last to comment but bev? where are you? hehe...

love feeling by choice?/can it be controlled?
well, most girls i've noticed would say no... love is an uncontrollable feeling and it just tends to happen... i have to say that i used to believe that. i have learned that love is an emotion that indeed could be controlled somewhat. you are faced with a situation in a relationship where falling for someone is not an option yet spending your time with that person is still something that you would like to continue, as long as you can think more with your head than with your heart, it can be done. trust me, i have had a number of debates about this with my other friends, but it's something that i truely believe in. this may sound a little cold-hearted, but i guess it's a form of defense that i have. [hmmm, can i be any more strange, hehe :)] i'm not saying that there would absolutely be no feeling involved as feelings is part of the formula to any sort of relationship whether it be attraction or genuine caring. i'm just saying, anything deeper than that may be controlled when your head is in the right place, rather in the clouds.

gary's comments
speaking as a woman, i have to say that "time" is important, i agree... but for me, communication is much more important. "time" is not so much. as long as the guy can communicate where the relationship stands, "time" is not necessary as long as there is security. what i'm saying is that, if i were to be with a guy who doesn't have time for me but has expressed that he cares and wants to be with me, then his time would be valuable no matter how little he may have as i would understand why his time would not be available at the moment.

as for being friends after the relationship is over... i would somewhat agree, i mean, i'm still friends with my first love but it took about 8 years of off and on "keeping in touch" before we could really be friends again. as for the current one, the friendship seems to going well, as long as we don't see each other. ah, the wonders of online chatting.

ok, next topic?

I think us guys have a better grip on "controlling" our feelings. But in reality, I think some guys get hit "harder" than girls. It isn't often that us guys really let our emotions go, but when we do "fall in love" some of us really fall. I guess girls are more used to that "love" feeling? I think women actually think about it more, where as us guys try to redirect our feelings when need be. Have you ever met a guy that had been burned by that "one" girl, and it has changed his outlook on women?

Can love be controlled?
I have to say I think with my mind first, then heart... My logic serves as "the wall." For example, "Hmmm, could I possibly see myself with this person?" Etc... But, when you start dating exclusively, part of that wall has been lowered (since the decision was made to move forward). Once the girl reaches the 51% mark of acceptance, then your heart can easily take over logic -to an extent.

For example: When a guy first meets a girl, there is that physical attraction scan. He may like a brunette, or blonde. Athletic or slim... But after that, the personality must match what the guy is attracted to. Go on a few dates, and reach up to 50%... That 1% is that decision if she is still worth persuing because there is a possible long term relationship out of it... Once that mark has been reached, it is almost impossible to turn feelings "off" unless something really bothersome distracts the guy. But that "something" has to be distracting enough to interfere with his fundamental beliefs. Maybe he discovers she some sort of murderer? Well, you get the picture...

Control feelings for another?
The first time I really fell in love, I didn't want to "control" my feelings. Well, I tried, but I was first infatuated with this person. This may sound sad, but I never let my feelings get too far with the girls prior to her. I think the reason why I haven't been dating lately is because when I was dating recently, girls our age seem to be looking for "the one" So in a way, I am "controlling" my potential to fall for someone, until I'm "ready" - Ready as I don't really have time to commit to a relationship (I gotta take care of myself before I can take care of her).

Feelings are weird.

But look at this analogy. Guys who are ticklish say that can control their laughter when poked. Some can hold it (depending on their mood), but keep on poking and he's bound to laugh.... Wow, I just made that up :-) Well, it makes sense to me! hehe... (I pause to celebrate my self revalation)

A comment on "ready"
I guess I have to comment on this... I think right now, I may have too much baggage for a girl to handle. I mean, I travel way too much, and I believe women need "time" more than anything else. Time to be with someone. To be loved, to be held, to just be together. And right now, I can't provide that essential part in a relationship. I think that is why my last relationship failed because she couldn't see past the work of what I was trying to lead up to. (I guess I wasn't much of an investment). She wanted something now. Something she could be sure of. Trust is built on spending quality time with a person. For all she knows, I could be out there starting "franchises" - Fight Club reference...

So when I'm ready. I want to be able to spend "time" with her (whoever that may be). And just maybe I might find some time to "date" with "my new found freedom" ;-) (That is if I even remember how!) hehe...

But first, I need to focus on my goals. They always say you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others...

So if you want to move on and not dwell over someone, you have to find things to keep your mind occupied. And at all costs, try not to be at home doing nothing. Because nothing ends up to "thinking about that feeling" The fastest way to healing is to remove all references to this person. Forget the "let's be friends" right after a break up (that isn't going to benefical to you). You need time to heal "without him" And then, when your emotions are not all outta whack, you can persue the friendship (or you can get in a bad cycle)...

i agree with bern diesel regarding the current topic on love. *ching*

oh by the way, this is probably a delayed reaction, but i like the "sinabi ni [insert name here]" idea for the author post, but since the title is "she said, he said" i thought it would be cool to leave it as "[insert name here] said:" to be consistent..

although maybe when more guys (hint hint hint hint nudge nudge nudge) start a-blogging... we'll change title to "sinabi nila" and correspond with the "sinabi ni [insert name here]" ...

thoughts? [not taking away from deep thought topic, but thought i'd address a lil admin issue here...] .. okay, carry on... ;)

heavy topic again?! man, we're so deep.....

is love a feeling by choice?
hm. i dont think so. you cant choose who you love. feelings just tend to happen....this is probably why us nice girls fall for the wrong guys... =P this is occurs in the same sense as making yourself love somebody... if you don't feel it, dont force it...

can it be controlled?
i dont think you can control love. granted i'm sure you [not you in particular, you, in general] may have feelings of love for a certain someone, and you wouldnt be able to control feelings for them... but i think the thing you CAN control is how you REACT towards them....

...like say you like some guy. and he has a girlfriend. maybe you've even fallen for him. you cant control your feelings, but you can control yourself by not ACTING on that love... ACTING on it might be like maybe breaking them up to be with him or something to that effect. anyways if you loved the dude and he was with some girl that he was happy with, wouldnt it be enough to show that you care by NOT breaking them up? you love him enough that you want him to be happy? ... anyways that was just one example of "control". while you cant turn off your feelings, you can probably "withhold", if you will, acting on them...

if not love, can you control your feelings for another?
see previous answer. i think i pretty much agree with mich in her entry, and i think i might have just reiterated what she said.... but yeah. feelings are not faucets.

it sucks sometimes, doesnt it?!

Oooooooh, another deep topic. Is this because we're all single and we're trying to get perspective from everyone else? ;-)

Love is a feeling of affection that develops over time. It just happens. There's no set date or time on when it will happen. It just happens. One does not wake up one morning and tell themselves that they're going to love the first person they see. The whole notion of "our eyes met across the crowded room and it was love at first sight" can't possibly be true love. Rather it's more of "I really, really, really like him/her at first sight." Thus the confusion between love and infatuation. When you initially meet someone, you are attracted to them. Physically, you know you like them. How they are mentally, emotionally, or personality-wise has yet to be determined. Which is done over a period of time. Although there are those rare cases where people who "met each other for the first time" ended up getting married, they did so because their love developed over time. They did not love each other at the first meeting and get married the next day. Some might even go as far as to say that, as soon as they met the other person, they knew they loved them. But did they really feel that way initially? Or is it because of the fact that they're in a loving relationship now, and they're basing it on the initial meeting?

Is love a feeling by choice?
I can interpret this a couple of ways. Either as (a) does one choose to feel the emotion of love (whether it be love towards another person or love from another person)? or (b) does one choose to love a person or not? (a) Love is unconditional. Emotions are not chosen. Once love has been established, it's just there. (b) I don't think you choose to love a person. That would be like saying "I've decided to love (or not to love) you." Rather, you choose the person to love. Whether or not that person loves you back can only be determined by what goes on during the course of the relationship.

Can it be controlled?
No. Unfortunately, love is not something we can switch on and off. We can't really say "Oh look, it's 8:30. I can love you now, but I'll have to turn it off in half an hour." (And this is not to get love confused with sex either). OK, so I'm being facetious, but you get my point. Though you may hear of people "falling out of love," it's not because they had control of it and switched it off, it's because certain elements were lacking in the relationship. Because of the amalgamation of emotions that are involved with love, the feeling of love can't be controlled. Mind you, I don't think emotions in general can be controlled either. I'm sure everyone at some point has been on an "emotional roller coaster." Were you able to control your feelings then? Probably not. For example, if you knew someone who had a baby and at the same time someone had passed away, you don't say to yourself that you'll be happy with the birth and melancholy with the death. The feelings just surface. They are reactions to situations which are out of your control, hence the feelings are uncontrolled.

If not love, can you control your feelings for another?
Again, no. In addition to what I mentioned above, you may also tell yourself that you want or don't want to feel a certain way towards another person (whether it be happy, sad, angry, etc.), but then that becomes a battle between your mind and your heart. And most of the time, if not all, the mind and the heart are in disagreement. Although your using your mind to control your emotions, your mind does not actually control them. Have you ever been choked up that even though you tried to hold back the tears, they still came down? (I know, I'm such a girl =P). The point is, even though I tried to "control" the emotion with my mind, I still felt it. I couldn't stop that feeling from surfacing. So really, I had no control over my feelings. Which is why I think feelings cannot be controlled.

wow. this blogging thing is getting pretty good. to get everybody's insight on all these topics.

yup it's 3:30am and i'm still up. can't say i enjoy my bouts of insomia but oh well, what to do?

through these past few weeks or so, i've gone through some epiphanies of my own. about myself and my life. life is full of choices, as i always say. throughout certain relationships, emotions have been uncontrollable and controllable. which brings me to the next topic of discussion that i'm interested in what you guys have to say :

is love a feeling by choice? can it be controlled? if not love, can you control your feelings for another?

Now finally my response... After this, I wonder who is going to start the next topic!
I was a devil child growing up... My Lola feared that I was going to grow up a very bad bad boy because they had so much trouble with me when I was around 5. So I have experienced the belt many times...

Challenges growing up
The first 9 years of my life was basically in Germany. I had a black best friend, Nathan; a mexican best friend, Roger; and a filipino/german best friend, Torsten. They were all in different stages of my life and different places I lived in in Germany. Back then, I never really thought about being Filipino. I just liked the fact that my parents always threw parties and I had lots of people to play with around me. At the time, I really didn't care too much for food either!

It wasn't until I moved to South Carolina that I started realizing how "different" I was. You see, in Germany, all the Military kids were from all over the place. So it was very similar to the diversity of a University. Well, that wasn't the case for Socastee High School. I was basically the "token" asian guy in the school. Why is it that they depict us as the "only asian guy" in movies? Sixteen Candles anyone? Or better yet, American Pie. I swear they took that MILF term from us!

So when I was a freshman in High School, I kinda dreamed that I wasn't Filipino and more like my friends (The Debut anyone?). Then I realized that it is okay to be different. It didn't matter what I looked like or where I was from. In fact, I liked the fact that I was "unique." High school was some of the best years I ever had... My parents were strict too, but they lightened up after awhile... Puktangina and Gusto mo palo was more commonly heard when I was in grade school.

How have your views changed?
College got even better for me. I was still literally the "token asian guy" I felt like I had to "try harder" than the others because I was different. But I was okay with it, I started to spend more time on my career goals than anything else...

So when I moved to San Francisco, I was almost taken back... I was no longer the "only filipino" But I wanted to immerse myself in this new found "culture" I was experiencing. I joined Likha. I felt that there was so much for me to learn about my cultural background. I mean, I can barely understand tagalog and that bothers me. I am Filipino American, but I feel I know so much more about being "American" The unfortunate thing is that my ex (Cara) made me feel so "UnFilipino" (She's basically a silver spoon fed FOB). And the way she made me feel is that she was way to concerned with what other people thought. She found many opportunities to find faults in me. Being that "i'm too fat" or "you look stupid doing that" or "you are being to loud", etc. Maybe she was trying too hard to conform me into someone that she believes her friends in the Philippines would like? But I learned that not all Filipina's are like that...

The biggest challenge for me recently was to see how I fit in this whole new "culture" I am experiencing here in California. But I have come to terms that I don't need to try to "fit in" a particular niche of a "filipino american". In fact, I recently feel quite at ease that I have come better comfortable with who I am as an individual. I don't even "try" anymore. I'm more concerned with my personal and professional goals to worry about where "i fit in" - It is more like the "been there done that" feeling I have now... One of my personal goals is to learn Tagalog... Maybe experience living in the Philippines for awhile... Gotta wait for the "big change" and "new found freedom" first. That goal is almost reached...

Marrying a Filipina
That would be very ideal. In fact that is so Ideal that my entire family expects me to. I'm the oldest of all my cousins on the Cruz side. When I was growing up, uncles, aunts, -everyone basically said that I should marry a Filipina. "White girls just want your money and they'll leave you. They also turn ugly when they get older" (sounds very filipino huh?). Well, there are many things I look for... But I do feel attracted to Filipinas that have qualities that I lack... IE, tagalog, etc. I know I may be extremely limiting myself, but it is almost similar to saying I will only marry a catholic. There is just this unseen understanding... I look beyond just the physical, but the psychological implications. There is just that understanding that people of the same culutre "just understands"

What bothers me is that when I say that I am interested in a girl. My parents really could care less (they just want me to be happy - and married), but my extended family (titos and titas) starts going through the barrage of questions... Is she filipina? Where does she go to school? Does she have a good job? Does she cook? etc. It is really frustrating because they don't ask me what I personally find interesting within the person. But I found that my caucasian friends do that too. I don't think we should be defined by school, career, or whatever. Honesty, whole hearted goodness, faith, and family values is what I really look for (besides a great set of legs) - sorry, had to throw that in :-) But if I was to add to my wish list, I'm a sucker for skirts and midriffs for some reason? Too bad I let my last girlfriend get me on that one! Maybe it is because the one before her never really wore them! lol! (Maybe this is also because Bern decided to send me this link before I started to update this!) - so my mind isn't in the right place right now...

Ok, that is my 2 cents at 2:19am! And I have a "Mayhem" class tomorrow morning in Karate Class. I'd like to challenge Bern, Joanie, or even Bev to try it one Saturday :-)

Challenges. Hmm, well, as the preceding contributors have stated, I experienced the strict upbringing--fear of the tsinelas, eck eck eck. No belt. ever. I'm lucky i guess.

Being Filipina in high school was tough. I grew up in an upper middle class white community. Welcome to Clayton Valley. Suburban surrender. ahh yes, the cynicism comes out to play when it's 1:30.

*ahem* So it was difficult because i didn't feel like i could relate to anybody. Nobody understood what i meant by "big family" or why it was such a big deal for me to be asked to go to Homecoming when i was a teensy 9th grader. So i suppose my parents were conservative, but not to an irrational, sheltered, fear of the unknown extent. My parents knew what was going on, haha. But i did find it annoying not to be able to get out of the house on weekends when I was a junior. A midnight curfew even on Senior Ball night was annoying too. oh well. I still bring that up with my mom and her opinion remains unchanged. She retorts "nothing good happens after 12. If something happened to you, we'd look like the clueless parents who have no control over their kids. It's not you I'm worried about...it's everyone and everything else." She's got a point...but it was senior ball. Oh well. I still had a blast.

the pinoy husband idea
I grew up with a bunch of white kids and was shocked by Berkeley's gamut of ethnicities :: "ooh, indian people." So i haven't befriended many filipinos--boys nor girls. In any case, of the pinoy boys i have met that are my age, i just don't feel drawn to them. They all seem kind of too boyish for my taste. Maybe it's because height implies maturity? There's more to it than that.

I'm not eliminating any possibilities, but for now, i don't see myself marrying a filipino--only because i haven't met anyone that i've considered marriage material. Well then again, i suppose if i'd met anyone, in general, that was marriage material, i wouldn't be single right now, haha. It would be nice to be into a filipino though. That would most probably solve the religion and culture problem in one sweep.

what a heavy topic for a friday night....i'm finding that i will be writing a lot....

"I'm kinda curious you girls' experience of being a "Filipino-American" or "Filipino-Canadian" What challenges have you faced growing up. How have your views changed? How important is it for you to marry someone who is Filipino? Do your parents feel like you should?"

am i going to be graded for how i answer? ;) feels like an essay:

What challenges have you faced growing up.
ah yes the story of my life... do you have 27 years?!?! ... The challenges that I have faced (or at least ONE of them -- most of the other challenges leah, mich, and bev have already pointed out -- strict parents, the slipper/belt, respect, etc -- funny how we're in different parts of north america and yet we have experienced some of the same things....) as i was growing up filipina in america are the fact there are double standards. i am the youngest of two, and my older sibling happens to be a boy. i always hated it when my mom said i couldnt do certain things just cuz i was a girl. she didnt find it proper for me to just hang out with my kuya's friends. like it was taboo or something. i would be considered malandi, flirtatious, un-ladylike, a tomboy, if you will, and ppl would loose respect for me as the "young innocent girl". also bothered me when i would come home late and she would get pissed off and say "your kuya was home a long time ago -- ang babae mong tao, gabi-gabi palagi kang umuuwi pag-hating gabi!!!!" to the point where it was like "what will the neighbors think?!?!" like come on! we're not in the philippine barrio anymore. not everyone is going to be talking about what i did last night and how late i stayed out!! the neighbors dont care as long as you dont make noise when they are sleeping....

one thing that i realized when i was in the philippines these last couple of times was the fact that the neighborhoods and communities were so small that everyone knew everybody's business. i suppose my parents' mentality is the same, whereby if the neighbors see, it'll be around town by the next morning... "ay, si bernadette, umuwi siya kasama ng lalakeng itim kagabi! hindi ko alam kung siya ang boyprend niya!" 1) i dont see ppl here in the states talking that way 2) everyone does not sit at their doorstep watching ppl and their business as in the pi. 3) if i was with a "lalakeng itim" it was probably just alonzo....and that's kuya's bud!

well the whole point is the double standard just sucks. lately though it hasnt been as apparent. i think my parents were more worried back then that i wouldnt finish college, that i would get pregnant, that i'd be into all these drugs, hang out with the wrong ppl.... but now that i've survived that -- finished college, i have a pretty decent job, my own car, and activities that dont get me into trouble, i think they're just waiting for that knight in shining jeepney to whisk me away and take care of me....

How have your views changed?
... hm... since i was i kid, i got taller. so i can see over the sink now..
hehehe
j/k
what specifically about my views changed? do you mean my views on challeges? how i perceive myself as filipino? i'm not sure i understand this question... maybe i answered it in the question before this one?

How important is it for you to marry someone who is Filipino?
... i think i would like to marry someone who is filipino, ideally, but i'm not closing my doors to other races.. i think that since we're living in america, it might be a little idealistic to think you will end up with someone of your same ethnicity, especially since it's the "melting pot"...... but at the same time i think it would be really cool and lucky to end up marrying someone filipino...

Do your parents feel like you should?
yes. yes. yes. oh and did i forget to mention... yes? i am sure they want me to marry someone filipino. they are very conservative and somewhat old fashioned. even my brother says it's better to marry filipino [he's dated outside of race too..but of course he married a filipina]. the culture is the same so the understanding is the same. hm while i agree with them in that sense, i'm not dead set on that. you just never know.

ugh. work sucks. =P i will answer this question later. havent had time to think today. =(

more thoughts
after this... perhaps it would be "ano sabi sha?"... hehe
anyways, just wanted to add a few more things as this topic can be pretty interesting...
as meesh pointed out... the respect thing was something that was taught with my sister and i. but with an interesting twist. as a filipino child growing up, you are brought up to respect your elders. there are signs of respect everywhere... little brothers/sisters calling older brothers/sisters "kuya/ate" in tagalog or "manong/manang" in ilongo... going to see "lola/lolo" and doing the "bless" thing with their hand... force feeding yourself everything on your plate as they keep piling the food on saying how skinny you are... saying "salamat po"... "opo"... and so on and so on... my interesting twist? well, when it's a "do as i say, not as i do" thing and still show me the respect because I AM older than you.
as for the whole asian confusion thing... sometimes it can be fun... it's been guessed that i'm either japanese, chinese, hawaiian, spanish, indonesian, and i think that's it. i remember one time i was working at the mall and some lady goes to me "you are filipino, right?" "yes, i am..." "and you're from the visayas, aren't you?" i thought wow, this woman is good for not being filipino herself, she was actually caucasian... "uh, yeah, well, my parents are.... dad is from patotan, and my mom from hiniauay (sp?)..." "kinda figured that, visayan people are beautiful people, i think it's the strong spanish blood in them... i can see that in you..." hehe, man, i love that story... :)
oh but then, there are the bad stories... like one time i was working in superstore and some lady was trying to return something she obviously used and started yelling at me. i tried to explain to her calmly the situation... product used + no receipt = cannot return... but she freaked saying how ridiculous it was and she wanted to talk to a supervisor.. well, unfortunately for her, i was supervising that day... she got frustrated and yelled at me "you stupid chink... open your eyes..."... oh, with that i lost it... calmly i stated to her "well, ma'am... my eyes are indeed wide open... and if yours were, you would see that i'm not chinese... regardless i don't have to stand that kind of comment..." eh, didn't know what else to say but with that, her face just lost expression and she gathered her things and left... apparantly my response got her to go away.

my story (do I get bonus points? :) )
Handang handa ako para sa topik na 'to! Para sa akin, mahal na mahal ko ang kultura ko. Ang mga magulang ko ay lumaki rin sa Pilipinas, at pareho nga silang galing sa Plaridel, Bulacan. Kung pumunta ka doon, makikita mo na probinsiya talaga ang dating. Yung mga bahay ay maliliit lang, at lahat ng tao ay naka tambay lang buong araw. Pero yung mga pamilya doon ay malapit talaga, kahit na minsan nag tsitsismisan sila. Kahit na dito ako lumaki, makikita mo na parang ganoon din any pamilya ko dito, kaya ganoon din ang tingin ko sa pamilya.

Nung maliit ako, yung mga magulang ko ay tulad din ng magulang nina Mich at Leah. Strict sila - pero di naman ako pinapaluan. Wala akong mga kapatid - nag-iisa lang ako. Kaya, lagi nila akong binabantayan. Hanggang ngayon pa rin eh!

Minsan nga makikita mo na parang mas importante ang kultura sa tingin ng mga pilipino-americans kaysa sa mga pinoy na lumaki sa Pinas. Halimbawa, tungkol sa mga sayaw at awit pilipino, mas marami akong alam kaysa sa mga magulang ko! Makikita mo na kahit dito silang lumaki, gustong magaral ng pinoy-amerikans ng kultura nila. Pumunta ka lang sa mga eskuwelahan ang nagaaral sila ng tagalog, ng pilipino history, at gumagawa pa sila ng mga PCN.

Para sa akin, gusto ko talagang magpakasal sa isang pilipino - at hindi lang 'yon. Sana, marunong siyang magtagalog, at malakas sa kanya ang pamilya niya. Gusto ko kasi matuto yung mga anak namin magtagalog. Alam ko na nga, mahirap ngang turuan, pero kung parehong pinoy ang magulang, at least maririnig niya yung usapan namin araw-araw. Kaya nga pilipino at mga syota ko dait, at pareho silang lumaki sa Pilipinas. (Hindi lang kami natuloy - basahin mo lang yung una kong blog at makikita mo kung bakit).

At doon ay nagtatapos ang salaysay ko.

[As per Leah's idea, perhaps this should say: "Ang sabi ni Michelle:"]

Do we get bonus points if we answer this in tagalog? hehe.

Challenges growing up? That could be interpreted a couple ways. Challenges family-wise (similar to what Leah mentioned), or challenges with the "outside world." Family-wise, I have to say that I've been very fortunate growing up. I was lucky in the sense that they didn't bring the "old ways" of the Philippines here. Sure my parents were strict (mainly my dad), but they were strict to a certain extent. They managed to instill certain values in us (me and my brother) without really saying much about it. It's kinda hard to explain. For example, I never had a curfew growing up. But I knew I had to be home by a certain time so that my parents wouldn't worry. It's all about the respect thing. You respect them and they will respect you. Not the other way around, how some kids think nowadays. I can relate to the belt punishment Leah talked about, but that RARELY happened. And if it did, it was because it was something serious. Or at least my dad thought it was serious. Or because my dad just lost it, and again, it takes a lot for that to happen. The first experience I had with the belt was when I was about 4 or 5. I had just started kindergarten and I didn't want to go to school. I think I made a big fuss about it and got upset, but my dad gave me something to be more upset about. As for challenges with the "outside world," I've come across a few. The big thing is that some people can't tell what nationality I am. And because I'm asain, they automatically think I'm Chinese or Japanese (funny how to some people, those are the only 2 countries that exist in Asia? Hmmm, maybe that's a topic for another time). But isn't that the case for most, if not all, asians? I'm digressing. Anyway, I've had some kids make fun of my nationality when I was younger. But kids will be kids. What gets me is the older people who know absolutely nothing about the Philippine culture, but yet make comments like they know everything? I remember having talking with a former co-worker about sports. We somehow got on to the subject of basketball and I happened to mention that filipinos are good basketball players, since basketball is one of their past times. He made a comment that the nets were probably lower than regulation because filipinos were so short. It was a good thing that he was further away from me because I would've clocked him one. I didn't appreciate that comment at all. Sure the majority of filipinos are considered short to "everyone else," but he didn't stop to think that maybe there are some tall filipinos too? Oh well. I just let it go. I knew he was too close-minded that I didn't bother to waste my breath to try and explain anything to him.

As for marrying a filipino, that's all up to me. Sure my parents would like me to marry a filipino, but they're open to other races. My take on it -- I'm not limiting myself. Besides wanting an all-around/well-rounded type of guy, it's important that I be able to expose our children to the Philippine culture.

I'm proud to be filipino and although I may not know too much about the history of the Philippines or participate in a lot of filipino activities, that doesn't make me less filipino. I am what I am. The main thing is that I have my family and relatives, and that's all that matters to me. The culture will always be a part of me no matter what.

Sorry for the long entry gals. You can blame it on Gary for coming up with this topic. But aren't you glad I didn't answer in tagalog? hehehe. ;-)

another thought...
perhaps we should answer this question in tagalog... nah... ;)

my filipino heritage by leah villalobos
i feel like i'm about to write an essay for school... hehe
challenges growing up -- having parents coming straight from the philippines, they have a tendency of bringing the "old school" ways with them... especially my dad... i'm sure a lot of you can relate with the belt for punishment... and for those of you who can't, you're lucky. man, when that belt was whipped out, you learned how to stand still, because if you ran, it would just hurt more. being only girls in the family, my dad tried to make my sister and i good "homemakers", we learned that we HAD TO clean after him, cook for him (when we were old enough), etc... and if we didn't, again that belt. being the first born, things were much more restricted for me (i.e. couldn't be out past 7pm on a school night all throughout high school, but that stopped in my senior year since my dad was mostly gone at that time on "business" trips and couldn't enforce or scare punishment on me)... another thing was that a marriage had to work no matter what, and i mean, no matter what... without going into too much detail, my mom was put through so much time and time again... and still stuck by my dad (but then again, that could be in any culture).
views changed -- i don't know how they did... i just knew i didn't want to be in that kind of life... i wanted to be more westernized and not have to be a female controlled by "her man"... but again, not every family, i learned later, is like that...
marrying a filipino -- i have to say i am biased on that... being involved with a filipino man for 7 years... the experience wasn't that great... i developed a bitterness that all filipino men are hot tempered, cheating, demanding men... and i have to say, a majority of filipino men are somewhat like that... but again, i've been tainted a little by my experience...
my parents -- my mom doesn't care... as long as she knows we're happy... but to my surprise she hasn't liked any filipinos that i've dated (well, there were only 3 out of 5... one for less than a week-my first boyfriend in high school, one for a month, one for 7 years) not to say it's because they are filipino... it's just because they were boys that didn't treat me very well...

way to go guys re: the first topic!!!! yay joanie for picking a good one!!
aside from answering gary's new topic, the next step is to make the blog a lil bit less generic.... but i'll save that for a lil later...

happy blogging!

New topic: How do you feel about your Filipino Heritage?
I'm kinda curious you girls' experience of being a "Filipino-American" or "Filipino-Canadian" What challenges have you faced growing up. How have your views changed? How important is it for you to marry someone who is Filipino? Do your parents feel like you should?

oooh spicey topic...
hmmm... logically, the answer to the question would be no... but then again, i'm one for emotions before and sometimes, depending on how you feel, you want to convince yourself that he will change and he means well... so why not give it another try? in order to keep your sanity though, stay away from him... my life lesson learned, don't take him back until he can prove to you he has changed and that you know that trust can be rebuilt, but that hardly happens. i was in a similar situation, however, he lied to me about being with someone else... said he told me that to hurt me but was sorry and said he would change. so being that we've been in a relationship for as long as we have and that we share other things, like a daughter, i thought i would give it a try. but a relationship without trust is not ever going to last... and that's that.

one more thing
Let me just add to that because I reread it and realized that the 'getting burned' thing sounds harsh. :P but it's actually a saying that I got from somewhere. I realize there are exceptions to the rule, and people do change, but it's just important not wholeheartedly accept the 'I have changed' claim until he or she proves that he or she has.

That's all. :)

my turn
Ooh what an interesting topic. And that's what I thought you meant Joanie but if it wasn't, I was going to go off on a tangent anyway :) Both of my exes have been coming up lately (I mean, things remind me) and so this relates.

I believe that if you get burned once, it's not your fault, but if you get burned twice, then you have no one to blame but yourself. The first time, my ex broke up with me, and about a week later he was already talking to some other girl who I just KNEW he had a crush on. Boy did I go through this whole sadness, depression thing. Then a couple of years later, we started talking again and there was just this renewed relationship that was there, but not there at the same time. Then one day, it was 'hey I met a girl at a party and I really like her" and this time I felt angry - at myself, for letting him back in my life, only to have the story end the same way. (Boy do I hope someone's sister doesn't read this but if you do, I totally have nothing at all against you and I'm happy for you guys, I'm just telling the story the way it happened. We just weren't meant for each other).

Then with PI guy I kept on taking him back, believing that things would be different and that he had changed, until I got fed up with the same story. What does this have to do with cheating? Well, I have this suspicion that he has/had been cheating on me. Well, when you keep hearing from everyone that he's a flirt and that he lied to you about his ex girlfriend and this other girl emails him claiming she's pregnant from him and that he touched some girl's boob "against his will" what are you supposed to think.

So, anyway, maybe I'm biased based on MY experiences, but that is my take on it.

OK, what'd I miss?

Damn, all I did was go to the gym and I've already missed out on the first topic of discussion. Let's see, to answer the original question of whether or not to take back your significant other if they cheated on you, the answer is definitely NO! From the moment that you find out, the trust is completely gone. And there's no way to get that back.

As for Girl going back to Boy in less than 2 weeks, I can understand why she did (but I don't agree with it). When you're in a relationship, you develop a certain comfort level. It doesn't matter how long you've been in the relationship, you just have that comfort. Now to have that comfort there and then be gone, can be devastating. So if the opportunity presents itself, meaning getting the comfort level back, why shouldn't Girl take Boy back? She's on an emotional roller coaster and for all she knows taking him back might put things "back to normal" which we all know is not going to happen.

Without knowing Girl and Boy, I think I can say that Girl trusted Boy from the get go. And that's OK. Some people are like that. Personally, I'm the same way. For the most part, I trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them. But once they break that trust, it's gone completely.

Speaking from experience, been there done that. But not in less than 2 weeks. When my ex told me he "needed his space", I knew part of it had to do with another girl. I asked him if that was the case and he said yes. Long story short, we took our "break" and decided to try it again after 6 months. But even then, things were already different. So we went our separate ways. We still keep in touch from time to time, but that's about it.

It wasn't me
Well Girl just got played. It is a sad fact but true. Take it from a guy. I don't see how she can ever "trust" this guy. I mean, to know that he cheated on her and still be with this person. What is going to stop him from doing it again? For all he knows, it probably "lessened" (is that a word?) the severity of the offense.

No one is perfect. But my feeling is that if he truly loved her... He wouldn't have swayed. I have friends who were "players" but when they got married, that was it. No more playing around. But less than two weeks? I would possibly understand after a year... I would be concerned about "Girl" because she apparantly feels like she can't do better. There's plenty of fish out in the sea... As for the girl, she is looking like the fool in this icon...

this is a tough one.

i have been lucky enough that none of the guys i went out with (seriously, not just casual dating) cheated on me... (or if they did, the did a REALLY good job of hiding it from me.... but i think i would know if someone was..).. but if it were me, i would probably not take him back...

hm. if they are staying together for the mere fact that they cant be alone, maybe that's not a good reason to be together.... as amanda jones said in "some kind of wonderful" -- "i'd rather be alone for the right reasons, rather than with someone for the wrong ones."

i think the foundation for relationships is trust. if you dont have that, then maybe the relationship is doomed from the start....

if Girl said "maybe we should take a break.... from us" and Boy went out and slept with the hot girl from the copy place, i'm not sure that's forgivable. oh wait, that was on Friends. ;)

joan's reply to the cheating topic begins here

Okie dokie...to take em back? Being that i've been single all my life since 6th grade (my first boyfriend was named Nick--he wore glasses and had indigestion a lot. I beat him at basketball. It was a love hate kind of thing.)

*Ahem* So i came up with this topic because a friend of mine (now referred to as Girl) is dealing with it right now. She'd been dating the guy (now referred to as "Boy") exclusively for a year. Boy waited 2 months to tell Girl that he'd slept with another girl (Boy and Girl didn't have sex in their relationship). And i know you're thinking, "ooooh, no no no" (shaking your head in chicken head fashion)

In any case, over the course of the past year i'd become really good friends with Boy and knew that he'd probably be the last person to be unfaithful, but well, shit happens i guess.

So if i ignore the fact that Boy is one of my friends, i totally think Girl should kick him to the curb. Unfortunately, Boy and Girl live in the same apartment building, and they didn't even last more than 2 weeks apart--that's less than 14 days! They're back together.

I'm concerned about Girl. She was upset, angry, sad, eck eck eck right after she found out. And i was there to witness the screaming, crying, etc. And now, she's back with him as though nothing's happened. I worry about Girl's self respect. She should commit herself to weaning herself off of Boy.

I think my being single since 6th grade largely contributes to my inability to understand their dependence on each other. But there is better love than that.

Cheating is not cool
I have had way too many girls cheat on me (okay, Cara, Rhonda, and Wendy). I think one of the most fundamental aspects of a relationship is trust. If you do not trust each other, why be together? The three girls that cheated on me - I thought I could trust them (I am initially a trusting person) - but what I failed to do is become "friends first"

But to answer your question, I think getting back with someone after breaking up (with someone you loved) is a mistake. I think if a couple has decided to give up on a relationship and choose to break up instead of working through it, then possibly they were not meant to be. Too many people get into the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Ultimately, it is the insecurity that brings them back to what is familiar. They tend to "forget" what bothered them in the first place, and once the gloss wears off (getting comfortable), they start to see the things that didn't annoy them before.

In my mind, a relationship should always be kept fresh. That is why I admire my parents. They still go out on dates. My dad buys her flowers, and I always see them hugging each other or holding hands. And I see it even more with my Grandparents. God has someone in store for each of us...

So once a break up happens, it is time to move on... And we can look back and learn from that experience...

you should just buy the whole hardcover set of harry potter.
i'm starting the chamber of secrets today... (i have an extra copy;))

check out gary trying to be all cool.

okay let me reword the question... [wake up leah!!!! ;) heheheheee]:

If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back or not?

[sound about right, joanie?]

I just got done reading the second Harry Potter book: Chamber of Secrets. This too was a really good read! Now I can't wait to get my hands on the third book! I talked to Aaron last night and he is on the fourth book already! He even has a little book light so he can read at night.

I'm not doing work either. I woke up at 4am to get ready to fly to Seattle. So now I am here surfing websites!

hey that'd be cool... and icon per person's post... would that mean gary's would be ernie?
infidelity? ok... kinda slow today, still having a slight hangover from last night... explain please...

hi all!
welcome aboard!!
per suggestions from ms luzon and joanie, i changed the title to (she said)^5, he said, because well there are 5 gals and one dude, and the title would just be way too long if i put "he said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said" (we need to recruit more guy bloggers!....).. also i'd like to post ppl's links to their blogs from this page. another thing i think would be cool to see: having a different icon per person's post... dont know how to do that yet, but when i have more time, i'll figure it out....

post topics in bold. answer regular font. cool? cool.... and i suppose we can talk about a topic, one per day, or until we beat the darn thing to death... what do you think?

joanie's topic of discussion:
infidelity: go back? or not go back?

hm. i have to think about that one. only because i have much work to do and i'm not really doing it... i'm doing this.... ;)

so...now what? (And why does the "he" have to come before all of the "she's"?)

nan dito ako :) sorry... trying to practice... my tagalog sucks right now :)

waiting for one more, i think..... leah?????
... was there anyone else we wanted to add??

i joined. :o)

for REAL!

hmmm....another thing to keep me from doing work...

i know, huh! =) thursday is as good a night as any. aint nothing like a thursday night!!! =)

Too bad we didn't start on a Tuesday like everyone else, right Bern?

actually it's mich's topic. i just posted it. =) yay for us.

ok, this is Gary. What are you 'lil blog monsters up to now?

First I'd like to give props to our blog administrator, Bern, for starting us off with the first topic. Yay!

Now what to write about? This actually reminds me of my first entry. Hey, I just realized that I started my blog 4 months ago.

this is what i have been doing for the past hour with mich. cute, huh?

Why is it that when you're asked to write about something, you can't think of anything to write?

Let's see...I think 3 times starting the blog, maybe 5 times sending me the invitation. All in all, I think we're on take 12?

how many times was that again?